Every day's a new day

footbag_master, aka the Mr. Wrye of this household, has posted some music that he performed. Raphael is one of our favorite artists. We were introduced to him when we spent a semester in France, and have since been working on some of his pieces.

So far Josh has played on the piano and sung "Peut-etre a-t-il reve" and I have sung to Josh's playing "La Ballade du Pauvre". I invite you to listen to both. Remember that we are amateurs and just doing this for fun!!

http://www.esnips.com/web/joshsmusicredone

In the future, we'll be doing some more Raphael and definitely some Regina Spektor. It's a fun project and we're both really excited about it. I hope you enjoy. :)

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21 mar 2007 @ 15:25 monkeys in my heart are rattling their cages

Humeur actuelle:

thirsty
Musique actuelle: falling awake - gary jules

Tags: mom

I guess I've kind of been going through a rough time lately. Sorry for bombarding you with that, f-list. And thanks for bearing with me.

Having my Mom visit last week was great! I dont get to see my family very often at all, so when I do it's a very special occasion. This was no exception!

( just a few pics )

Oh, also, the day after Mom left, I got 6 inches cut off my hair (note: it was a small triumph that I was able to make myself go to the salon, even though it's literally right around the corner).

( And I found the haircut to my liking )

The lady who cut my hair had a femmullet. I was not okay with this.

Anyway, tell me how YOU're doing.

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21 mar 2007 @ 14:25 one of those rare friends-only posts

Humeur actuelle:

worried

Tags: agoraphobia

so i guess it's time for me to admit i have a problem.

i have a problem.

basically, i have agoraphobia. dictionary.com defines this as: abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult or embarrassing that is characterized initially often by panic or anticipatory anxiety and finally by avoidance of open or public places.

if josh asks me to go to the store while he's at work, i agree to it. but as soon as he leaves i get irrationally upset. i feel tight pains in my chest and i often cry. i think i have anxiety attacks. if i can actually get myself to leave the apartment, i walk around with sheer terror in my heart and every person i pass by. sometimes i almost throw up i'm so scared. also, i've stopped answering my phone. i can still answer the door and the buzzer to our apartment complex, mostly because i have a peep hole and feel more in control (although sometimes i dont answer the door, either).

i feel really, really stupid for being scared. it's really embarrassing. when i'm with someone that i know, i dont feel nearly as scared, so it's hard to explain how it is when i'm by myself. i don't think josh really understood it at first (and maybe he still doesn't fully), but now that i cry or hyperventalate whenever i mention it to him i think he's got a good idea.

i've been ignoring this for quite some time, but when my mom visited i talked to her some about my concern and she became somewhat ... alarmed? apparently she had the same problem when she first got married and didnt know anyone where her and dad lived. it gave me comfort to talk to someone who knows how i feel. she told me the only way to get over this fear is to force myself outside every day. this seems like an impossible task. isnt that ridiculous?

so last night i told josh that i'm going to start going jogging every morning along the edge of lake michigan (jogging is something i enjoy and i need the physical activity). there's a large public park there and i should be safe. i cried a lot and josh was very gracious while i told him about what i need to do to get better. he told me i could call him on my cell as i'm leaving the apartment, and then as i was coming back in. that way if something was wrong, he would know by my lack of phonecall, and i'd feel more secure knowing he knows where i am. and i want to go in the early morning, because if i dont go early than the anticipation anxiety will become too much and i wont go at all.

i thought i was starting today but my efforts to go outside were cruelly thwarted by the rain. initially i was relieved by not having to go out, but i'm upset too. i feel i cannot function normally in society until i can get this sorted out.

and i really can't express to you guys how embarrassed i am. :/

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14 mar 2007 @ 22:43 un peu en retard

Humeur actuelle:

karyn is awesome

Tags: karyn

Today, Karyn is 21! Happy birthday Karyn!! I love you more than most anyone.

Also ... why dont I have an icon with Karyn in it?

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION: Say something about my freakin' sister!

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13 mar 2007 @ 09:50 Won't you please come over?

Humeur actuelle:

sick
Musique actuelle: Gary Jules - Umbilical Town

Tags: arkansas , dustin and becca , karyn , mom , wrye

Well, I got back from Searcy, Arkansas a few days ago and am now spending some time with my Mom here in Milwaukee. Josh hung out with her for 2 days before I showed up, and they rearranged all the furniture and cleaned house! Wow! Seeing Mom is really great - she has lost 30 lbs and looks fabulous! Sadly, I have what seems to be a stomach virus. The day after I got home I laid in bed all day and didnt eat anything other than an apple ... which I regretted later. Today the stomach still feels weak but I'm going to bring Mom down Brady St. for a little bit of shopping.

The trip to Searcy was quite enjoyable. I drove down with Josh on Friday, and I even helped for 3 hours along the 12 hour drive! We dropped Jax off in Chicago with Dustin and Becca - he was quite pleased.

Josh and I stayed at his parents' house until Sunday, when Josh had to drive back to Milwaukee for work (picking up Jax on the way). Then I stayed with Karyn until Friday (I drove her and her boyfriend Austin to the airport - they're in Japan for spring break!). THEN I stayed with Shelby and his roommate Scott until Sunday morning, when I drove back up north with Becca and Dustin (who had come down to see Becca's Dad get married!). In the meantime, I got to visit with some friends and family, missed out on seeing others that I wanted to, got a little sick, but enjoyed my time there all the same.

( And now for the photo compilation )

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26 fév 2007 @ 09:12 The wizard needs food badly!

Humeur actuelle:

mellow

In the pursuit of not having my brain stagnate while I'm not in school, I have taken on a little project. Before I was in translation school, translating is what I did for fun. So even though I'm not currently working on a masters in translation, I still feel an urge to translate. I was going to translate Le Petit Prince into English, but there is already a good English translation of it. So I've chosen some short stories by Sempé/Goscinny entitled Le Petit Nicolas. This is actually a series of which I own a good part, and is about a little boy and his school life. The stories are hilarious and I've often wished I could share them with non-francophone friends. So I'll be working on the story entitled Un souvenir qu'on va chérir, which is to say A memory you will cherish. I'm very excited about it, and will post the whole story when I'm finished. :)

I have procrastinated long enough on posting pictures of my recent trip to Chicago with Josh to visit Dustin and Becca!

( I hope this isnt anti-climactic! )

There are some pictures missing there. I know we took a picture of Dustin in his work clothes, but they are MIA! But anyhow, it was a glorious weekend. Josh and I are very blessed to have friends who are close enough to visit.

On a side note, Dustin gets free coffee from Starbucks periodically, but doesn't really drink coffee! So we got to take home some Organic Shade Grown Mexican coffee. It is amazing. As in the best thing to ever be in my mouth.

Now, to commence translation mode.

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23 fév 2007 @ 07:33 Some days aren't yours at all. They come and go as if they're someone else's days.

Humeur actuelle:

contemplative
Musique actuelle: Pietro Crespi - OWEN

Today I found out that I have another reader I didnt know about, and she tells me I should be a writer. Haha, well I dunno if I have anything of value to impart to the world in that format, but I appreciated what she said about it. I wish you lurkers would come out of the woodwork more often. : )

A few days ago I overheard someone say that anyone in the United States who's poor is poor because of something they did. Like if you're poor it's your fault. Or .. you brought it upon yourself or something. I was really shocked, to the point of being speechless. I left that conversation dumbstruck. How could someone make such a generalization? That very night, Josh and I were walking to Papa John's to pick up an order, and there was a man outside the door ... well I say 'man' but he looked to be about my age, maybe a tad older ... anyway he was handing out these cards that stated something about him needing money, ours specifically. He was handing these out and saying "I'm deaf, I'm deaf" over and over. It made me think back on the school for the deaf and blind in Little Rock, Arkansas, and the yearly talent show that the kids there put on. It made me think back on my sign language teacher in college and her parents. And all I could think about was how disgusted, and disappointed all of them would be to see someone exploiting their 'deafness' like that. It made me feel angry. And then I remembered what I had heard earlier about 'poor people'. There's not really a conclusion to that story; just some things to think about.

I went to Chicago this weekend (all things go, all things go) to visit Dustin and Becca, and I really had a wonderful time. I have a bunch of pictures to post, and I'm sorry Becca that I haven't done it yet! I will try to get on that this afternoon. I procrastinate.

In the meantime, everyone please listen to slash watch this:

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15 fév 2007 @ 07:17 Everything is integrated

Humeur actuelle:

dorky

Thank you for all of you encouraging messages concerning grad school! I finally did decide to drop out for this semester; I dunno if I'll be going back any time soon, but anyway that's not what this post is about.

Last night I was laying in bed visualising some geometry. I started with two parallel lines (or line segments for you diehard mathematicians), like so: || Then in my mind I pressed on each line in the very center, toward the other. Eventually the lines passed each other to form this shape: () except the two ends touched, forming a kind of petal. Then I did the same thing with an equilateral triangle. And then a square. Each time I tried this, it formed a pretty simple flower shape that reminded me of some of my mom's quilt blocks. But the point of this exercise was just to see if I could make this happen in my mind's eye. I was just working on the pentagon when Josh spoke up.

"Ellen, are you asleep?"
"No"
"Have you ever thought about how many sides a three-dimensional figure can have? I've been trying to create a three-sided figure in my head and it's making my brain hurt."

It was at this moment I remembered why Josh and I are married.

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29 jan 2007 @ 10:37 ._.

Humeur actuelle:

worried

Rawr, I have a lot on my mind today. It's school.

I don't know if I want to get a masters in translation. I can't figure out why I'm doing it. Do I feel passionately about translation? No; I just dont /hate/ it. Do I feel particularly interested in translating as a career? Not especially.

I've spent so much time on learning French it just seems like I should try to use it for my career. I don't want to teach French. So the only other option I see is translation or interpretation. But what if I don't want those either? :/ Am I wasting my time? Josh is pouring his salary into my education and I don't even know if I want it. I dread class every day. I feel like a joke compared to my classmates, who obviously know what they're doing. At the end of last semester I didn't feel particularly fulfilled; it was more like "Thank God /that's/ over." When I was getting my undergrad degree, I was excited about my education. I don't feel excited about it anymore. :/

The projects I did last semester were so unbelievably hard. This semester is somehow even worse. I don't know if I'm cut out for grad school. I don't feel 'smart' enough. I don't feel motivated enough.

But what other options do I have? In my mind, quitting French studies = forgetting all my French = wasting all those years of learning it. And then what do I do with myself? I don't think I have very many useful skills. I really don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I really want to quit. I feel like I could walk away from grad school right now and feel OK with that. My only concern is that I do not want to forget French.

I don't want this to turn into my career as a musician. I could have made something with myself playing the trumpet. I'm convinced I could have been in a symphony by now if I hadn't given it up. Maybe I still can, I don't know.

I just feel really confused/discouraged. It's hard not knowing what to do with myself. I need encouragement.

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23 jan 2007 @ 07:30 for miriam, my most avid commenter! : D

Humeur actuelle:

tired

Tags: uwm

I've received several comments asking about Sufjan Stevens, and so I'd like to give him a little shout-out. Sufjan is one of those musical artists whose work is just so beautiful you can't help but look and listen and just FEEL it. I recommend everyone take a listen to his album Illinoise! as a starter. In fact, as I write this, I have my belles-sœurs Miriam and Angie,

beccabug33, and

dustin_ray specifically in mind. But everyone should listen. Everrrryone. I wasn't too into Sufjan at first when

doolucky introduced him to me, but that was terribly silly. Terribly.

Class yesterday was not nearly as traumatic as I was anticipating. I have to write another 15 page paper this semester, and it has to be from a medical, financial, or law text. Yuck. But at least it's all from French to English this time; that'll certainly take the edge off! In fact, my class is full of all the francophones who were in my English - French class last semester, and I was pleased to let them know that this semester they were on MY turf! haha. :D All of our translations will be peer-edited, which I'm excited about; peer-editing is good at giving you a sense of how good you actually are and what you need to work on.

Today I have my computer-assisted translating class. I'm nervous about this one, too, but I don't anticipate freaking out like I was yesterday. I need to stop being such a wimp. : /

beccabug33 and

dustin_ray are coming over this weekend to celebrate Josh's birthday (and becca's, belatedly!). I'm so excited! OH the chocolate cake we will eat! :D

Also: Karyn, Owen, and Steve are coming to my city in 9 days. Wow.

P.S. I just noticed that "drunk" in an emotion option on my LJ. LOL @ journaling drunk. Oh my goodness.

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22 jan 2007 @ 16:23 Voice Post:

VoicePost

144K 0:44

“Hello! Um, I guess I'll say hello to my Mom since I know she's listening! I am on UWM campus, and this is my first day of class, and of course I'm early ... So, I'm really nervous because my class is in the chemistry building, and I don't know why that is but I'm gonna go in there and I just know it's going to be like one of those nightmares where [I'm in the wrong place]* and I miss everything. So I'm just calling to say hello and wish me luck because I need it. Um, and hey to the rest of you guys, too. Talk to you laterrr. bye.

*Stuff in brackets was lost in transit”

Transcribed by:

mrs_wrye

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18 jan 2007 @ 08:42 all the glory that the lord has made

Humeur actuelle:

cheerful
Musique actuelle: Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens

Tags: florida

So I went to florida over the weekend to visit my friends from those times gone by. It was nothing short of an amazing trip. I left Friday early morning and got back Monday laaate.

Aside from the ridiculous amounts of fun that I had reconnecting with everyone I knew during those awkward formative years, the thing that hit me the most was how UNawkward everything felt. I'm normally wary of visiting places where I used to live. I mean, after I move, people deal with that and quit needing me. I move around quite a lot and I never really get a chance to feel needed even though I feel need for everyone I've ever known. (Does this make sense??) Being in Florida for those four days ... I honestly felt like I /belonged/ there. It's an odd contrast to the very mixed feelings I have toward being in FL at all. I could see myself living in FL longterm, and even Josh is open to this idea, but I'd have a lot to consider. (Sorry if that's cryptic) Luckily the end of grad school is years away, so I'll cross that bridge of decision when I reach it.

Moving on to an airport tangent. My flight to Atlanta was delayed. So delayed that when I landed there, it was 10 minutes from my connection's take off time. I was sitting in the second to last row of my first plane, and things were looking grim. I disembarked as quickly as I could, and asked some official which direction my gate was in so I could start running. The left. So I ran. I was passing people, cutting through groups, weaving up and down escalators ... it felt kind of like a high speed chase. The gate I came out on was at the far end of terminal D, and I had to get to the opposite end of terminal C in negative time. When I finally arrived at my gate, I was sweating, my face was red, my heart was beating like crazy, and I was breathing pretty hard. I was sure I'd missed it and was already dreading spending more time in Atlanta than was necessary. But, shockingly, my flight was still on the marquee! They took my boarding pass and directed me toward the door without much fuss at all. So I got on the plane! My seat was easy to find because it was the only one open. I was definitely the last person there. I could feel the glares from passengers around me as I tried to maneuver into my seat. But we didn't leave. I was very confused. We ended up sitting on the plane, with no AC mind you, for 2 hours. People were grumbling. About an hour into that time, they decided to let us in on the situation. They couldn't find our pilot. We had a crew, everyone was on the plane, and they 'lost' our pilot. So while I was grateful that I got on the plane, it was a little silly that we all waited 2 hours before they probably woke some guy up to come fly us. When they introduced the guy, the flight attendant said "Doctor" instead of "Captain". She corrected herself, and we all chuckled nervously. "They got us a .. pilot, right?" We took off when we were originally intended to land in Milwaukee. I didn't get to Wisconsin until midnight!

To top it all off, when I got off the plane it was snowing in Milwaukee - hard. I was still wearing my nice warm-weather FL clothes. Josh had brought me mittens and a hat, and I opened up my suitcase to get some socks and shoes on (just to go through the parking lot! it was that cold!). When I opened it up, the first thing I noticed was my shampoo. It was ev. er. y. where. Not one thing I had packed was untouched. So I put on wet soapy socks and covered them with my now minty-scented shoes. When I arrived at my apartment I was exhausted. The travel back home was kind of miserable, but I managed to laugh about it most of the time. I got home safe, with all of my luggage, and luckily shampoo wont ruin anything. So nothing really to complain about :)

It was hard to leave Florida, but I'm glad to be home. School starts next week and I'm looking forward to getting back to work on translation. Dustin and

beccabug33 are coming up next weekend for Josh's birthday, Karyn, Steve, and Owen will be here Feb 1-5, my Mom is coming to see me in March, and Karyn and Owen will be moving here in May. I'm very, very excited. Things are happening.

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08 jan 2007 @ 07:19 everything is integrated

Humeur actuelle:

optimistic
Musique actuelle: Feel the Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens

Tags: jax

I haven't posted about Jax in a little while, and nothing is really going on today, so that's what's happening!

( pics of mah baby )

Everyone thinks it's their /own/ cat that is the most fascinating and the definitely the cutest. Here on my LJ, Jax is king in both categories. ^__^

I haven't looked outside yet, but it's a beautiful day!

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05 jan 2007 @ 09:19 after me comes the flood

Humeur actuelle:

calm
Musique actuelle: Après Moi - Regina Spektor

This morning I took some trash out to the dumpster behind my house, and when I opened the back door to my apartment complex there was a homeless man digging through the garbage. We eyed each other for a split second, and I thought about just going back inside. He was embarrassed, I was embarrassed. But I had bags of trash in my hand so it was obvious why I was there; I guess it was obvious why he was there, too. So I said "good morning!" and smiled, and he finally gave a relieved smile in return. He moved aside, and I put my bags in the dumpster. Then he nodded at me and went back to his rummaging. And I went back inside. I wish I had had something to give him besides my leftovers.

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04 jan 2007 @ 08:20 still inside myself

Humeur actuelle:

contemplative
Musique actuelle: The Predatory Wasp - Sufjan Stevens

I somehow managed to do the dishes after posting yesterday - although they are still piled up in there kitchen waiting for me to put them away. Apparently I have trouble finishing things I start (as if my first semester of grad school didn't show me that). I'm vaguely wondering where else in my life this vice shows up, but not enough for any actual examples to come to fruition.

I also managed to go outside for a little bit - it was just to throw a bunch of stuff in our dumpster, but I think it counts.

I got my Wisconsin driver's license in the mail yesterday. Does anyone actually tell the truth on the weight section?

I am reading One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I borrowed it from Karyn! It's such an intriguing story, and it's making me think a lot. Like I needed help >.<

I was thinking today that if I were ever a writer I'd probably write like Proust does (minus his weird crush on his mother). This mostly troubles me. : /

Now to put those dishes in their respective cupboards.

p.s. I think Sufjan Stevens knows how I feel.

Thinking outrageously I write in cursive
I hide in my bed with the lights on the floor
Wearing three layers of coats and leg warmers
I see my own breath on the face of the door

Oh I am not quite sleeping
Oh I am fast in bed
There on the wall in the bedroom creeping
I see a wasp with her wings outstretched

North of Savanna we swim in the palisades
I come out wearing my brother's red hat
There on his shoulder my best friend is bit seven times
He runs washing his face in his hands

Oh how I meant to tease him
Oh how I meant no harm
Touching his back with my hand I kiss him
I see the wasp on the length of my arm

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03 jan 2007 @ 07:59 "No. No. It's not that." I was getting really upset.

Humeur actuelle:

pensive
Musique actuelle: Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens

My heart has been heavy lately. Not because I'm sad, necessarily, but I am experiencing lots of emotions. I'm surprised sometimes at how much I am able to feel at one time. It's not a totally unwelcome or uncommon situation. Maybe I just think about too much at one time.

Poor Josh has to deal with this wife that sits around all day, just thinking and thinking and thinking. All day I'm thinking about everything and by the time he gets home I am exhausted from thinking and feel like I have accomplished so much. When he walks in the door I look around and realize I haven't actually accomplished anything and maybe I should have thought a little more about doing the dishes.

I don't know how to get out of this rut of inward outreach, or how to want to get out. Everything is so beautiful; I know it sounds trite but I really think it's true. I am in love.

... or maybe it's time to think about those dishes.

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18 déc 2006 @ 15:45 Code Monkey like you.

Humeur actuelle:

cheerful
Musique actuelle: Code Monkey - Jonathan Coulton

Hey all! Just a quick re-cap on the past month.

-I went to that Kingdom of Loathing convention the beginning of November, and ended up making some life-long friends! ^_^ Or, you know, so I suspect. Steve, Owen and Ryan are three pretty rad guys.
-Owen is moving to Milwaukee in May!! And Karyn is going to be his room mate. or rather, platonic love nest mate. And actually Owen, Karyn, and Steve are coming to visit Josh and me in February! I am *SO* thrilled about this.
-Josh's family came to visit us for Thanksgiving. We had a really great time showing them Milwaukee. I even made turkey curry for thanksgiving dinner!
-I finished my first semester of grad school somehow! I turned in two 15-page papers, along with two translation portfolios that, together, consisted of over 100 pages of work. It was a rough semester. I guess I should have known it wouldn't be easy.
-Turns out my sister Katie really does have MS. We're trying to remain optimistic, though, and seeing her this Christmas has helped immensely.
-Josh and I are in Hawaii right now with Mom, Dad, Katie, and Karyn. We're leaving for a cruise all around the Hawaiian islands today! ^_^ We'll be gone until the 25th.
-I quit taking birth control. I was sick and tired of gaining weight and having migraines. Since I've quit, fear of babies has gone up, but I've already lost over 20 pounds!! And I haven't even really changed my diet. I'm starting to feel like myself again. My headaches are a lot better, and I actually am fitting into my clothes. ^_^
-Josh and I went skiing last weekend. Isn't that funny? I enjoyed it a lot more than I did on the Alps, I guess because we were more on a hill than a mountain, and I'm a winter sports newbie. I did fall once and slide a good 20 feet on my face, but it was because some guy totally cut me off. My camera broke during the fall, but my parents rawk and got me a new one for Christmas.
-um um um ... I guess that's all. I hope everyone is doing well. ^__^

p.s. I'll have my cell on me while cruising, so feel free to callll me (assuming I get reception?)

Gros bisous!

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18 déc 2006 @ 03:12 Enter a subject.

Humeur actuelle:

loved

lol @ i never update anymore!

more on that later.

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